Fly!

Hello, everybody.

If you're reading this, you may know a thing or two about being in pain. We simply must overcome this enemy that is ourselves. It does not matter who tells us we cannot fly, it's the voices in our heads that keep us grounded. Please if your wings are intact take flight. If your wings have not grown yet take this time and meditate on their growth. Soon the sky will be the limit. Gay, straight, lesbian, transgendered, bi-sexual, just plain in pain we all need to believe we are worth it, worth self love and confidence. We can do it. I can see it clearly, our victory over gravity.

Love,
Mia

Class In Session

I'm learning, looking over my past mistakes,
when I was a stupid girl, when I did not belong to me, and
I had no strength I could see.

I'm learning, seeing into my thoughts,
the ones I had when nobody was watching.
Was I thinking or plotting?

I'm learning, one step forward, two steps back.
Never out of focus, never off track.
I am now, I will be soon,
I have been, no longer true.

I'm learning, making peace with me,
the one I love, the one who's me.

I'm learning, I'll be better soon,
who I want to be, in the mirror
whom I want to see.

Snapping Out of It

Hello everybody,

Sorry I have not written in some weeks. I have been feeling blue. And in these times are when I should write the most. I suppose feeling down and taking one step forward a half step back  is part of the dance some of us call life. I met with the doctor who will determine my fate. He was more than nice and left me more than hopeful. Soon I will be the first transperson to receive services in Illinois D.H.S. so when I get down I look in the mirror ala Gaga and say wait a minute, bitch, you're Mia!

See you soon,
Mia

Fathers Day

Hey there. I realize Fathers Day is upon us and I feel fortunate to report that my “adopted” dad and I have a wonderful relationship built on mutual respect and care for one another. Sadly my real dad and I had no such connection. Please understand the following poetry is for those of us whose dads can’t find us in the maze we call being true to ourselves.

What if I were just like you?
Maybe then you’d love me too.
Papa, I’ve been so lonely
       needing someone to hold me.
What if you could stomach me?
Maybe good friends we could be.

Papa, every day I see you,
       but I’m really starting to miss you.
Daddy … don’t.
A fist is not the answer.
This isn’t what I asked for.
Daddy … don’t.
Please, just pretend to love me.

Why do you want hurt me?
What if I was to change my ways?
Maybe I wouldn't be quite so strange.

Papa, silence I can’t take no longer,
       and the violence don’t make you stronger.
If I were not the child I am
       I probably wouldn’t give a damn.
If you don’t see your way clear
       to love me without your fear,
       another chance we may not get
       for living life without regrets.

The Hardest Part of Waiting

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Handsome Girl

Please enjoy this poem/song called “Handsome Girl.” Can you relate?

Handsome Girl

A pink bow on a blue bonnet,

Age of eight, writing a sonnet

  On coming of age before its time –

Sense of Homer, turn of a rhyme.

Family never thought to drop a dime,

  Innocence taken before its time.

Handsome girl – cruel world,

  Quiet voice, tragic choice.

Don't know who will take me,

  Heaven or hell –

Want you to pass the life test I failed.

A pink leotard with a blue cape

Superhero to some, justified to none.

Criticized by most – too tragic to boast.

Friends never thought to spend some time

After all, the flame is mine.

Handsome girl – funny world.

Mumble out loud – left out of the crowd.

Don't know who could name me, the devil or God.

Don't want to be honest, sincere or a fraud.

I've turned on my blinders and dotted my eyes –

Defended cruelty and backed up their lies.

Now I have a chance at living a life

Without all the pain, violence and strife.

Though I don't deserve it – nobody's perfect.

Handsome girl – rare pearl,

Coarse on the surface – I now have a purpose.

Give me a chance – ask me to dance.

A handsome girl – new to the world.

Settling In

Hi there, I’m Mia. I was born a male and due to some poor choices and horrible decisions I’m in Department of Human Services custody. (See Windy City Times “Meeting Kobi” and related articles written by myself.)

I am 34 years old and am currently pursuing a SRS (sexual reassignment) while in custody here in Illinois. I am truly thankful for the Department which has kindly placed my needs before any political you know what! This will all start with a mental examination that will be done soon. It will determine whether I will truly benefit from treatment including hormone replacement therapy (HRT). While I am eager to get started, I have to say I am a little nervous. I mean, when you want something so badly it becomes its own living, breathing creature, sometimes that creature becomes something bigger than oneself. I suppose I really can’t explain. Anyway I will post further developments.

Meanwhile, has anybody else been nervous about this kind of life change? Speak up. I could really use the support or advice or plain comments. I love you all. See you soon!